I'm not 10 years old anymore
eyes freshly opened
newly aware of others pain
but still keenly naive
of my own ability to hurt
I'm not 14 anymore
feeling rage instead of grief
no desire for comfort
no use for condolences
running anywhere but here
I'm not 18 anymore
so stupid to think I was a man
that my hands could wash clean
a cacophony of bullshit
hiding my tattooed back
I'm not 22 anymore
getting feeling back in my extremities
not quite so numb
taking pleasure in pleasure
and feeling pain with pain
I'm not 27 anymore
a thousand ways to blame myself
chanting the tired mantra
Gentle Lady, Do Not Sing
doesn't deny me my own hell
I'm not 30 anymore
losing track of whores
Amy and Lil and whats-her-face
they're remnants in my bed
unwilling to sleep alone
I'm not 34 anymore
the path behind me now dark
only glimpses of the road ahead
waking to see a half-sun on the horizon
uncertain if it's dawn or dusk
I'm 35 years old now
still no use for pity
save your tears for yourself
there are no victims here
I'm just the sum of my days
not a slave to my hours
